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May 19, 2015

{Gimme a Break…Gimme a Break…}

Seriously, break me off a piece of that….
If I liked Kit-Kats I would finish that jingle. But I don't.  
Do you ever feel like you just need a break? Just one day? Prepare yourselves, friends. I'm about to take you to that thought I know for a fact has popped up in EVERY SINGLE ONE of your minds.

Well, hello there. It's been a while since I have last typed in you, my little blog. I want to start off by thanking each and every one of you (who read my last blog) for the uplifting, encouraging, compassionate, loving, and motivating comments I received. I was so incredibly nervous to put myself out there in such a vulnerable way. Come to find out, there are many more of "me" than I thought there were...which sucks…but was also very comforting knowing I wasn't alone. I really wish postpartum depression didn't exist. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I realize I haven't updated you on my progress. I am happy to report that the good days have far exceeded the bad days since I last wrote. That's something I am proud of. Day by day, then week by week, then month by month. Progress. By the way, I am pretty sure I went on a cry-free streak for 6 whole weeks…until yesterday. 

However, to be honest (and Lord knows, I always am…almost to a fault) the past 6 weeks have been SO challenging for me. I started a contract position with Children's Mercy Hospital and I have really enjoyed that. It's inevitable that it will probably come to an end which makes me sad. I finally felt like I found a place and and environment that I felt at peace with. I love the people I work with. It's fun. At a place where there are so many sick children, the philanthropy department is the place where it is their soul mission to make kid's lives better…to raise money for the hospital which in turn goes to erasing medical bills that some families just can't meet. It is a place where you get to hand out stuffed animals in the lobby as the kiddos walk or wheel by. Their smiles…it's worth everything in that moment. 
A week after I started my new job, Tyler had sinus surgery. We went into it thinking it was no big deal. Boy, were we wrong. And boy, were we the exception to the rule. He unfortunately had quite a few complications with the anesthesia and the post recovery process. Doctor's orders: stay in bed, don't lift anything over 5 pounds for three weeks. Don't leave the house to work. Do nothing. Listen to your body.

May I remind you all that Millie is definitely over 5 pounds?
May I remind you that grass grows in the front AND the back yard? And quite frequently. Like every 4/5 days.
May I remind you that families accumulate trash and that trash has to be taken out of the trashcans in the house once a day and dragged to the curb once a week?
May I remind you that everyone has to eat?
May I remind you everyone has to bathe...has to be put to sleep?
May I remind you that one of those humans is cutting what seems to be every tooth in her mouth right now? She was referred to as "fang tooth" for all of one day before the next nightmare started.
May I remind you that all of us wear clothes? And those clothes get dirty and need to be washed.
Same with dishes….we all eat off of them and they all need to be loaded and unloaded from the dishwasher.
And then there's the dog. Don't even get me started on the dog that sheds at least one layer of coating a day…and barks. He barks a lot. Oh, and it's Spring so it rains a lot which mean muddy dog paws need to be wiped off the floors at least 6-8 times a day.
Bills need to be paid. Tags need to be renewed on cars. 
It's Spring, so hello wedding season!
Oh, and congratulations graduates!

You catch my drift. I hope. Because if that last satirical rant wasn't enough, I don't know what will be.

I AM EXHAUSTED. Like, I almost need a nap after typing that whole thing.

I went to my primary care doctor yesterday and ended up talking with her longer about the past six weeks rather than the silly thing I went in for. Now, as you know…in most of my blogs, I always pause for a moment and say how thankful I am for at least one person in my life. Today, I am going to talk about my doctor. I've just adopted her within the last few months. I've always had men. No offense to the male doctors, but we women…we just get each other. Her name is Dr. Kimmel. Never in my 29 years of life have I had a doctor who I felt understood me and truly cared for my OVERALL health. The big picture…I'm talking mental health, physical health, emotional health….just someone to talk to. As a society (myself included), we've always just gone to the doctor when that cold has hung around for longer than it was welcome. Yesterday, after I told her about the last six weeks, she listened and responded not only as a doctor but mom to mom…friend to friend. She didn't judge me. Because, I will tell you…at that moment, I felt embarrassed and weak as a human. She offered advice that a friend would offer. 

"Make a date night once a week with your husband." 
"Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it…and take that help when it is offered."
"Being a mom is hard."
"Your health and well being is just as important as everyone else's. Take care of yourself."
"Take a break when you need it."
Compassion. That was my cure. It's all I needed. That or a glass of wine and to be honest I don't even really like the taste of alcohol anymore and haven't for a while so that's not an option.

The point of this blog is…whether you are a mom, a dad, not a mom, not a dad, a high school student, a college student, a single person with a full-time job, an older person…I don't know…whoever you are, I have finally realized, that it is OKAY to take a day for yourself. To be honest with you, my mom is watching Millie today and I am crawled up in bed watching the entire last season of Grey's Anatomy because I needed something sappy. I needed a break. I needed to just sit and do nothing. I needed to come up with my next plan of action. 
Day by day, remember?

This is what my child's room looks like right now. I'm going to take Dr. Kimmel's advice and LET IT GO. Frozen style.

Thanks for reading. And promise me you will take a 'sick day' once in a while. You deserve it.