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September 7, 2014

{When It Rains, It Pours}

This is not a "poor me" post. However, I do have to say, this has been one of the worst weeks since Millie came home from the hospital. 

We were doing really well and starting to get a groove down. I'm back to work 3 days a week while my mom watches Millie. Because Millie came so early, we were not prepared for any other child care options and we weren't about to send her to a day-care with her being so small and susceptible to illness. My mom graciously offered to watch her three days a week until I go back full-time. Back to this subject in a bit.

I have completely given up dairy. This includes anything that has milk on the label of the product. If I was to continue breastfeeding, this is the only way I could make her comfortable because of her dairy intolerance. However, this past week everything changed again. My supply hasn't been that great. I am not sure if it is due to the fact that I can't eat much and am not consuming enough calories, I am stressed, I am not getting enough sleep or that I am away from Millie during the day at work. I pump at work, it just isn't the same and my body isn't reacting the way it should to keep my supply up.  We have had to supplement and tried a special allergen-free formula, but she wouldn't eat it. So, the doctor gave us a soy formula to try. This apparently opened up another can of worms because it turns out she is allergic to soy as well. I spent the entire week trying to console an inconsolable baby who hadn't gone to the bathroom in 4 days.  She wouldn't smile, wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep and just screamed. On top of that, it was basically just me taking care of her because Tyler works all day and also worked Tuesday and Wednesday night. I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown. In fact, I am pretty sure I did. It got to the point where my cries were matching hers. 

In addition, Cooper, our anxiety ridden dog, cannot function in this type of environment. The screaming makes him so nervous that he begins to act out and bark uncontrollably. He also has extreme separation anxiety. I left the house to grab something to eat with Millie, came home, and he had jumped up on the counter and knocked everything off that he could find. There was glass everywhere and blood all over the floors because Cooper cut himself on the glass he knocked off.  At this point, Millie was screaming (of course) and I literally just wanted to close myself in a closet and never come out. If you have ever been in an overwhelming situation, you know this feeling I am talking about. You can't seem to get yourself out of this deep hole and everything seems so bad and not fixable. 

Thankfully, my parents knew that I simply could not deal with the dog anymore. They came to get him to give me a break and let me focus on my sick baby. 

But it gets worse. Friday, my mom was letting Cooper out in the front yard at their house on a leash and he saw another dog being walked across the street. He drug her off the porch, across the yard, into the drive way on her stomach. She now has a sprained ankle, a beat up knee (which was just replaced) and a broken hand. 

How can I live with this guilt? Because of my DUMB, uncontrollable dog, my mom now has a broken hand that might require surgery.

In addition, we now have no childcare. 

Oh, and I went to the doctor Saturday morning and I have bronchitis and a touch of pneumonia. 

Now, I know. It could be worse. But at what point does it end? At what point does life get easier? At what point does God say, "Okay, you've had enough. You have proved that you are faithful and have conquered every trial that has come your way, with dignity no less." 

At what point do you throw your hands in the air and give up breastfeeding? I have lost so much weight because of my diet restrictions. I am so overwhelmed with stress and have so little time to focus on myself. I have given it everything I have. I pumped every three hours for months after she was born. When she finally learned to latch, we watched her suffer not knowing of her allergies. I adjusted my diet to to witness her finally be able to eat in comfort, but now, I am noticing that I can't keep weight on.  I didn't think it was supposed to be this hard.  Is it really worth all this stress and worry?

I am sorry if this particular post has been negative. I really try to stay positive on here but I do know one thing. Writing has always helped me get things off my chest and it relieves stress. Maybe in turn, I will touch one person struggling with something similar and in reading this, they won't feel alone. Being a mom is so hard. Your mind and body are not your own anymore. I am so thankful yet so overwhelmed. 

They say it gets easier.  I am praying it gets easier. 

Hopefully, my next post will be more "cheery".

This too shall pass.

August 30, 2014

A Labor of Love {Millie's Nursery}

Our baby's room was really a labor of love.  Everyone pitched in. Tyler's mom painted the room while I was still in the hospital recovering from a C-Section. Tyler built wall hanging shelves with his bare hands (and some of the hands of several friends).  Tyler and I painted artwork for above her rocker. My aunts hung curtains and wall art and my parents gifted some of the furniture items.  So, thank you to everyone who helped make Millie's room a special place.

When designing Millie's nursery in my head, I knew I wanted something white with some pops of color thrown in from toys, books and art. The idea was for it to be calm, serene, natural and simplistic. The design has a Scandinavian, Mid-Century Modern feel. I hope you enjoy this peek into our little girl's room.

Wall color: Martha Stewart // Lamb
Rug // West Elm
Curtains // Pottery Barn Kids






 Book // Plant: TJ Maxx



Wooly Plush Bunny // Pink Bunny: Pottery Barn Kids Similar // Wooly Plush Elephant




 Books Top to Bottom:








 Artwork by Mommy and Daddy


















Thanks for reading. :)

PS. I hope to do more posts like this as we slowly move from room-to-room decorating our new house. Let me know if you want to see more interior decorating posts.



August 19, 2014

{Face.}

My Skin Care Routine

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

1. Bioderma: Great for makeup mistakes or removing those mangy false eyelashes. I also use this for removing the remainder of my eye makeup that my cleansing oil misses. Great toner option also. This really is a 'jack of all trades' product.

2. FANCL Mild Cleansing Oil: I just recently got into cleansing oils. I use about a pump and a half on my dry face and massage into my skin and eye area. This helps breakdown the makeup and removes it from my face. Then, I add a bit of water and it changes the oily substance to a creamy liquid and everything begins to emulsify. This is the most gentle way I know to remove makeup. This cleansing oil is extremely hard to find but it is my favorite. :)

3. La Roche Posay Lipikar Syndet: I am no skincare expert, but I do know a good product when I see one. This is it, folks. This is originally marketed as a soap free body wash/cleanser. However, it is so gentle that I will never use another cleanser on my face again. This stuff is sooo good. And I love that it is fragrance-free. I really don't like when my facial cleansers have a scent. By the way, this is great for children with skin sensitivities to use as a body wash.

4. First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads: A gentle exfoliant, toner and peel all in one. Again, great for sensitive skin. Can you tell I love sensitive skin products?

5. Indeed Labs Hydraluron Moisture Booster: A serum for use before moisturizing. The main ingredient in this product is Hyaluronic Acid. Hyaluronic Acid has the ability to hold 1000 times its weight in water so it acts like a magnet to anything that is applied on top of it, thus the water in your moisturizer will take longer to evaporate off the surface of the skin. Indeed Labs states that:
 "Over time, this serum increases skin’s hydration level and minimizes the need for frequent topical moisturizing.  This increase in moisture levels has been shown to increase skin elasticity and reduce surface roughness."
 Do I agree? YES. Go to Walgreen's and get some of this immediately.

6. First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream: I have searched for years for the perfect facial moisturizer. I use this moisturizer twice daily. It is very lightweight despite the fact that it is a cream. It is non greasy and is so good for sensitive skin. I would pay double the price for this stuff. That's how good it is.

7. Glam Glow Youth Mud Mask: I read tons of reviews on this baby and decided to give it a go one night. This stuff is so darn good. I use it at night and love how my skin feels the next morning. It is expensive but if you get it on amazon, you can save SO MUCH MONEY. Such a treat for tired skin.

8.  Kiehl's Creamy Eye Treatment with Avacado: If you've been reading my blog for a while, I'm sorry you have to hear me talk about this product again but it is by far the best eye moisturizer on the market. It is so thick and just does the trick. (That rhymed.) There are also only three ingredients: Avocado, Beta-Carotene and Shea Butter. I love simple products.

9. Christian Dior Creme de Rose Smoothing Plumping Lip Balm: This is such a ridiculous product. (Using Dior as a Lip Balm?!?) I would never have purchased this had I not had a gift card to Sephora but now that I have I'm mad because when it is out I'm going to want to repurchase it. I probably won't though. Blistex works just as great. This stuff is just luxurious.

10. Caudalie Beauty Elixir: Again, another ridiculous product but I have a sample that I have been loving so I thought I would throw it in this post. I like to spray this after I put my makeup on because I love the dewy effect it gives. It also smells like a spa. Nothing wrong with that.

You are probably thinking: "Why in the world does she use 10 products on her face? How does she have time for that?" My thoughts on this are if you spend 10-15 minutes getting ready and putting makeup on, you should spend just as much time removing it and caring for your skin. Your skin will thank you when you are older. What products do you use? What products can you not live without? I am always interested to see what works for others so please share!

Thanks for reading!

August 8, 2014

{Confessional Friday}

The last time I did a "confessional" blog post it seemed to go over really well so here I am with another one. I also just have a lot of things to confess, apparently.

1. I confess that I do not understand the fascination or obsession when it comes to #SHARKWEEK. Do people really like sharks that much or is it just the trendy, cool thing to post about? I personally don't get it. I hate sharks. They aren't pretty animals and they eat people. Stop posting about Shark Week. It isn't "in" anymore. And do you really spend the whole week in front of the TV watching shark documentaries? Who has time for that?

2. Speaking of television, I confess that I cringe when my husband turns it on Tosh.o. I can't stand that show. It is so repulsive. Everything he talks about is dirty and makes me want to vomit.

3. I confess that 4 months after having my baby, I am STILL wearing my maternity leggings....not because I need to, but because I want to. Holy cow, comfortable. Nothing else compares. #Secksy

4. I confess that there is breast milk splattered ALL over my iPhone. I have no idea how it gets there, honestly. It is quite the mystery. I wipe it off just to find it on there again the next day. I give up.

5. Speaking of phones, I confess that I dropped mine on my face one morning last week when I was laying in bed. I do this quite frequently and I am beginning to think I have a problem. Does anyone else do this? You are checking your Instagram and BOOM, your phone is suddenly planted all over your face. It is so painful and not attractive.

6. I confess that I am finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel with Millie. She is sleeping at night and is smiling and cooing. She just looks comfortable. It really is so pleasant to be around her and know that she is finally feeling well again.

7. I confess that sometimes it gets to me that we don't have a whole lot of extra money to spend on material things we want. When everything went down with Millie, I wasn't able to work for a good 3 months and did not have a paid maternity leave. Money has been very tight especially because of our unique situation. Medical bills from her NICU stay and my 2 week hospital stay have taken precedence over everything else. I am young, and consider myself to be somewhat stylish however, I haven't bought anything for myself in months. Seriously, I can't remember the last time. When I became a mommy, everything changed. I only care about getting Millie the things she needs. However, that doesn't keep me from feeling sad when I see a pair of shoes I want and I know we can't afford. This verse below has helped me get through this season and helped me to realize the material things that I think I want and need aren't really what matters.

"Therefore, if you were raised with Christ, look for the things that are above where Christ is sitting at God’s right side. Think about the things above and not things on earth." 
Colossians 3:1

On a side note, happy birthday to my sweet, baby Millie! She is 4 months old today although her adjusted age is 5 weeks old. She is smiling, cooing, grasping objects with her hands and holding her head up quite nicely.


Millie is getting baptized next weekend! Here is a preview of her little baptismal bonnet. She is wearing the same gown and bonnet I wore 28 years ago for my baptism. It will be an incredibly special day as her daddy gets to perform the sacrament in front of the congregation and all our family and friends.



As always, thanks for reading. I hope you all have a blessed weekend. I also hope I didn't offend anyone who likes sharks.